


when denial fell, so did you

by gael_itarille



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Denial, Dwarves, Elves, F/M, Mirkwood, Past Relationship(s), Post-Battle of Five Armies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-30 06:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20442263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gael_itarille/pseuds/gael_itarille
Summary: "Tauriel is young. She must learn that denial cannot keep steady for long."Her walls -built of denial, refusal, unacceptance- are no match for memory.





	when denial fell, so did you

**Author's Note:**

> A fic based off Tauriel's return to Mirkwood after the Battle of The Five Armies. Any dialogue in italics is a flashback, and as a quick translation- "melmë" means love.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

_"Why does it hurt so much?"_

_"Because it was real."_

It was real, he tells her. His love is not real. 

_Kíli_.

Each step she took- down Raven's Hill and towards the forest she had once proudly called home- reminded her of him. Insignificant, was he not?

Perhaps.

In the grand scheme of things- he was.

Simply another body on a large pile of blood and carnage. Many shall be found covered by pure snow and the liquid that dares defile it. What more is another soldier lost?

_Nothing_.

He is simply a microcosm- overshadowed by future memory and the wear of time. There shall be nothing for time to erode- for he is but a pebble - pushed along by the tides of life until smooth; all pain carved away until it can no longer be remembered. Only a pebble- small and in abundance- unnoticeable and underfoot. This- this dalliance is modicum in emotion. It brings only sorrow to her feet, and in comparison to the perils of the mortal world, Kíli is nothing more than the taste of honey on her tongue. Saccharine. 

It passes.

As her tears begin to freeze and her inhales start to steady, the wood draws near.

The gates are left unguarded; abandoned in haste. She enters the great halls swiftly- elven grace returning without delay nor pause. Change has not affected the kingdom of Orpherion, and both breath and step remain as they were before. The she-elf glides over stone stairways and onto wooden floors- taking in the atmosphere of her with a serene peace. No branch nor stone has been mussed or misplaced. It feels the same; the ground under her feet; the scent of her childhood. All is unpeturbed. Tauriel senses no difference in mind and spirit- for the rough ridges on the wooden walls are the same in memory, and each divot is just as she remembered. Her home is the same. She is the same. Everything she sees is untarnished- left the way it was when morning had risen the people of _Eryn Galen. _The perfume of pastries- now burnt- wafts through the air, and she can smell each fruit from the branches above. There are the labours of elderflowers and the effort of the blackberry bushes. There is goji and the mild tang of currant, and leather and-

_Leather. _

Leather, dusted with mud from lands foreign and far.

It is only when Tauriel lowers her head that the footsteps of fourteen become visible- leading into cells along the steps. 

She is back where she started.

_Tauriel is young. She must learn that denial cannot keep steady for long. _

All of her apathy has evaporated- vanished quickly with the sounds of banter and the songs of Erebor. She can remember none of her indifference. He is there, behind iron bars- soft and young and brave. She sees him in everything.

His smile is contagious- full of mirth and youth and mischief. His laugh is more of a bark than a giggle- unexpected, but always welcome. Her chest erupted in an odd, fuzzy feeling each time it rang out through the halls. At the thought of it, the same feeling returns once more. For a moment, is almost untainted. Grief catches up to it.

It is hard to realize he is not here now.

His hands are- _were_ calloused but gentle- far too gentle for the rumours of his kind. He was alone in that sense- taller; kinder than his kin. He was a deity all his own.

Kíli was, and remains a Vala to her- clothed in the glow of courage and bathed in the waters of adventure. She craved exploration. He gave it to her. Kíli had placed a drop of exhilaration on her lips- a taste of the world past the borders of the forest. He had illuminated the opportunities and the experiences that she had neglected; shared her thirst for a life outside their home. He illuminated _her_. The elleth does not know how he could have thought of her as starlight-

He is the one above her now. 

The majority of his company remain- detached from him by death and sorrow. But he is not alone- not truly. The prince lies with his brother and his king. He has the eternal memories of his fellowship and their adoration. He has her heart. He is not alone.

She is. 

_"She walks in starlight in another world. It was just a dream. Do you think she could have loved me?"_

Maybe she could have. 

Maybe, with more time. Maybe, whatever they had bloomed might have become a shared light- the same star. Maybe, his dream could have come true. 

Maybe-

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

There are too little maybe's in this world to encapsulate the possibilities that could have been. 

He is far away.

He is far, far away from her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this fic! Please, tell me what you thought in the comments!


End file.
